Writing the words “my son” brings tears to my eyes. I am a mother of two faith filled, incredible, hilarious, understanding, beautiful, and giving daughters. They have made me the woman I am today and I will be forever grateful to them for that. My soul has always yearned for a son as well. Not only has my selfish flesh reminded me of my want for a boy; society reminds me too. Whether it’s a complete stranger who sees me with my girls and poses the question, “well you gonna go for a boy?” or if it’s the quips from others reminding me of the expenses and emotional “burdens” girls will put on me. The combination made me scared to have another girl. My husband and I decided to have a third child; but only after digging deep within our souls. We wanted to want a third NOT because we were going for a boy. But because we wanted another gift from God. We spent much time in prayer and conversations with one another asking God to purge us of these selfish wants and societal perspectives on girls. We listened to what God told us to do before we began our journey of conception and took our steps of faith towards our third gift.
This entire timeline is about two years old. Which proves the patience and guidance we had to gain to get where we currently are. I am going to fast forward and let you know what happened on a Tuesday because I want to share how awesome God is. On this Tuesday it was forty eight hours before our sonogram where we could find out if we were having a boy or a girl. Let me preface by saying we had decided to wait until delivery for the baby’s gender reveal. People told us that it was an amazing experience and if you have the opportunity, to at least do it once. I trusted these words and couldn’t deny that it had to be an incredible feeling within the delivery room. I agreed to do this for the encounter. But also because I was still privately struggling with the issue of gender and wanting a son. Even though I thought I had really given this issue over to God, here it was creeping back on me. As my pregnancy bump grew, the questions from others asking, “so, do you want a boy this time?” was not helping tame the emotions inside me. I figured that if I waited for delivery I could hold my baby and at that point the issue of gender would just disappear. So, back to Tuesday….. I was a hot mess and struggling. I knew I was thinking WAY too much about the boy/girl thing and I was letting the voices of evil creep in. I should have been focused on God gifting us with a third baby. Making the gift of new life the center. I spoke with my husband about my emotions explaining that I wasn’t sure if I wanted to wait for delivery anymore. I told him I may want to find out; but I also didn’t want to loose the experience of the delivery room surprise. He told me not to worry. And that we have plenty of time because the sonogram wasn’t until Thursday. I took his advice and enjoyed my evening with him. Regardless. I had to admit. The root of the emotion wasn’t that I was confused about when to find out – at the sonogram or going through the journey in delivery….it was that I was afraid I was pregnant with another girl. I feel awful typing thoses words out; but I think there are parents that can relate to this thought process; so I don’t feel too alone.
Wednesday came around and the emotional wave was swelling inside me. I was hiding my fear of a third girl to the outside. Even to my husband. I decided to talk to one of my best friends about my truths and she told me that she and her husband chose to walk out of their sonogram appointment with an envelope in hand that had the gender of their baby. I thought that was a great idea because even though it sounds like torture. It was comforting for me to have the knowledge within our grasp. So, at any point. If we chose to look at it. We could. I spoke to my husband about it and he thought it was a cool idea. So, that was the plan Wednesday night. Thursday morning, the day of the sonogram; my soul was tossing and turning. I woke up at 6 am to get my first born out of bed and ready for school. I walked into her room and heard Plumb’s song “Lord, I’m Ready Now”. I realized at that second in time and in space how much I was NOT ready for the truth. I walked into my daughter’s closet and fell to my knees and wept uncontrollably. I told God I was so sorry for not being thankful for this gift He had given us in an unconditional manner. I told Him I needed him to guide me today and to let His voice be heard through this process. I told Him that I knew He knew what was best for me because He created me. I asked to have this gender issue removed from me because I didn’t want to think about the topic anymore and I wanted to bring my focus back on Him. I stood up and decided to go down and find my husband and confess to him that the reason for my emotional state was not confusion. But fear.
I was afraid of not receiving a son. My husband hugged me and told me he loved me and that whatever that baby is, it is exactly what God wants for us. He even told me that he wanted a son too. But he also knew God’s will was the most important because it is what is best. I felt more calm and at ease and just decided to let God handle the day from that moment forward. I got our girls off to school and decided to stop by church before the appointment to have some alone time. I walked inside the sanctuary and sat on that pew and poured my heart out again asking for strength, forgiveness, and guidance. Driving to the appointment I felt emotional. But I felt it in a secure way. I knew God had me. And He was driving the day. I remember sitting next to my husband waiting to hear my name called. The whole time I was talking to God. Just asking Him to keep guiding us and for me to hear His voice. Then….I heard my name called. We head to the sonogram room and I hop up on the table. The tech tells me that she is going to check my cervix first. She put the transducer on my abdomen and we see an image for about three to five seconds that burst our hearts wide open. We saw a boy. She pulled the transducer back up quickly. But my husband and I knew what we saw. She asked if we wanted to know what the gender was because she was aware of the image that just flashed on the screen as well. Of course we said yes because we already knew! She put the transducer back down and there he was….our son. Laying on his back, sucking on his fingers, legs spread wide with his man parts showing. My husband and I started crying and hugging so hard that the tech started crying with us. The song “Our God Is An Awesome God” started playing on the tech’s radio. It was a gentle and powerful reminder that God brought us to that moment and the entire process belonged to Him.
Categories: Save It For Your Family, Save Relationships, Save Yourself Thru Growth, Walking The Walk
Tags: "Boy", "Gender", Confession, delivery, fear, Focus, gift of life, girl, God, journey, life, Lord Im Ready Now, marriage, mentality, music, Plumb, pregnancy, room, sonogram, truth
After I got done reading “Stop The Bashing” this writing bubbled up……
I get the main course of her article; which is quit bashing. I’m all for that!! I’m also all for education, and a damn good one. I wish every human on the planet had the privilege to become educated. I also believe teaching is a calling. Having parents in education I remember their day to day grind and it is no joke. I remember thinking (in my freshman year of college) there is no way I’m getting a degree in education because the time and money in my opinion didn’t balance out. I can NOT imagine public education, private education, hybrid education, or homeschool education not existing; that would be horrifying for our country, our world, and our people! With that being said the author needs to understand she took on a “calling” that sits in a HOT seat. When you make a choice to sit in a hot seat you need to get ready for the bashers because they are coming regardless. I have private schooled, homeschooled, and this year we are doing a hybrid approach (half homeschool and half private school). EVERY choice I make someone has something to say about it ranging from “bless your heart” to “you must be scared of public school” to “you’r bubbling your child”. I’ve realized to thicken my armor because anything that’s worth it is not easy. People who don’t want to sit in the hot seat usually are the loudest. I’ve literally learned to silence those people because they are not worth it. Those people don’t fully understand what this author does in her classroom, nor what I do in mine; but yet this type of person wants to judge us, give us their opinion, and make sarcastic comments that at times can cut to the bone. It’s not needed and unwanted. There is also an air among parents and teachers too; lets not lie about it. I met it full force when I enrolled my child into the private sector then met it again with homeschooling. I would of thought teachers, family, and friends would be thrilled my child was getting an education no matter what sector my kiddo was in. That hasn’t been the case though in my experience. Teachers and parents need to come together from all institutions. The public, private, and homeschool sectors. Because, yes; we are all in this together! Instead of looking at each other and trying to figure out who has it better, and which sector of education will create the most successful human being; let’s just chalk it up to the fact that we are all teachers (degreed in education or not); teaching students towards success. Let’s unite and come together and realize all teachers are somewhere in the balance of feeling exhausted to elated about their calling. As teachers we need to keep ourselves lifted up and encouraged because teachers are imperative to the human race. We also need to understand there is a difference in each sector. That’s why the difference exists; and that is ok! Who cares if someone private schools due to their religion. That is their right! That is what makes this country a good place to reside in….choices. If a family wants to send their child to public school; fantastic! Private sectors and homeschool groups should support public school without any snippets containing a scary ass public school statistic. If someone wants to post a reason why they homeschool then fine! Let the homeschoolers unite. You never know if that post will reach a parent that wants to homeschool but has some fears. Possibly through that post the parent can find courage and contact the homeschooling parent with their questions to help fulfill their child’s needs. There is nothing wrong with that. If classroom teachers want to spread their Pinterest love all over their classroom and post pics then thats sounds fine with me! Let’s get pumped up about school! Show off those amazing classrooms and encourage other teachers to do the same….even the teachers at home! We don’t have to use our differences to tear each sector a part. Let’s use these differences for the greater good. Just because someone posts about their world does NOT mean they are against your world. Teachers and parents take a hot seat in education regardless of what side of the fence they sit on. It’s damned if we do and damned if we don’t. We need to work on respecting each other’s choices and opinions. We don’t have to attach a negative feeling to a word such as “public school”, “private school”, or “homeschool”. By doing that we are creating a disservice to our fellow teacher, friend, or parent. It’s ok to gather information and make a decision based on your best interest; but don’t bash. So, remember this: if you a working part in the teacher/parent/student learning process, and feel your booty getting warm……then pay attention to the why. You will probably realize it’s because you are doing something you were called to do. So follow your calling and create greatness. Have a marvelous school year and remember to play nice on the playground.
Categories: Save Relationships, Save That Thought, Save Yourself Thru Growth, Walking The Walk
Tags: "Homeschool", "humanity", "public", calling, courage, education, growth, hot seat, hot topic, learn, opinion, parents, Private, respect, School, teachers, teaching
I don’t care what age the person is people love getting mail. I’m not talking about bills or mail outs. I’m talking about mail from a close friend, loved one, spouse, etc. You know the kind of mail that just makes you grin from ear to ear?! Since I am aware of this fun fact; I needn’t not forget about my peeps I live with. Usually I’ll do cards and place them in a spot my receiver will run into; but every once in a while I will mail them something. Sounds silly I guess; but it works. It makes them smile every time. Today I used my Red Stamp App and placed an order to have a picture card mailed out for each family member. I love Red Stamp because I save time and money with this application!!! Can’t wait to see their faces when they open their envelopes! You should try it….it will work for you too 😉
Categories: Save It For Your Family, Save Relationships, Save That Thought, Save Time, Save Your Benji's, Walking The Walk
Tags: application, Baby, bachelorette, easier way, family member, how to, ideas, invitations, keep a relationship aluve, long distance, mail, red stamp, relationship, Save money, save time, send mail, shower, stay in touch, thank yous, work
For the record I’m a recovering speed demon…… which is why I recently hit a wall of reasoning when I went and had a night out with one of my long time best friends. Being a stay at home Mom and a Mom that home schools I need breaks; and her house is where I escape to. She’s known me forever and our love runs deep; which is why it was so easy for her to ask the question that began this emotional domino effect within my spirit. The question was: “Do you want me to get the back?”. I was straightening my hair in her bathroom getting ready to leave. That question penetrated me so deeply on an emotional level. I had one side within me that wanted to speak up and say, “No I got it”. Then the other side of me raised up and said, “Hold on sister… you are going to let your best friend do your hair because she loves you enough to recognize that you need the offer”. So I said yes, I let her finish straightening my hair and it was glorious! The offer she gave me was so impactful because I need to slowdown within many layers of my life….including straightening my hair. I go so fast I get lost… literally lost. Soooo lost in my own chaos of “life with little ones while trying to get real world shiz accomplished” I forget to take care of me. Slowing down is a habit I really want to implement within my life. In order to slow down I need to stop feeling like I should accomplish this “superhero list of things to get done” I create for myself daily. I’m not a friggin’ superhero. I’m human. I don’t even know how I got so sped up and thought I could constantly take on everything. Then this little revelation in my brain occurred. Knocking out day-to-day life activities with small kids is nuts; and that’s what I do daily. As a Mom we try to squeeze in as much as we can in a 24 minute time window of Jake and The Neverland Pirates (or whatever your kid’s poison may be). And let me just say….sometimes that’s more than some people can accomplish in a 24 hour period. No lie. My point is, that behavior bled into other areas and take off occurred. I’m thinking I need to also have a chat with the ‘ole over achiever that lives inside of me. I need to tell that girl to calm down. Since the moment in time with my bestie doing my hair, I have started recognizing areas of speed existing in my life. For example walking in a grocery store. I’m driving that grocery cart like I’m a driver in the Indy 500. I even notice how I use really fast force to open and shut doors….why? I guess I’m in a hurry! I think being in a hurry became a habit. I habitually became a hurrier because I always have so much to do that I’m cramming everything in that I feel needs to get done. I do know the solution. It’s easy…..slow down. While slowing down I’m also trying to remind myself of what I do accomplish. I have to tell myself, dude it’s ok if you don’t get everything done on your list; remember you have children constantly swirling around you. I remind myself to look at the trail I just blazed!!! I make my over achiever take a chill pill, so she doesn’t drive us off a cliff and I begin slowing down. My stress levels fall. Tension lessens and I begin enjoying the details in life. I don’t want to get lost again. I always want to protect myself from not losing myself. Life is too short to go too fast. So, from now on I want to use speed when only necessary. What about you…..are you a speed demon?
Categories: Save It For Your Family, Save Relationships, Save That Thought
Tags: blaze the trail, enjoy life, how to, in a hurry, life with kids, Lost, lost in chaos, lost yourself, mom, save that thought, slow down, speed, speed demon, Stress, tension, the way out
Great write up from HUFFPOST on concurring the balance. Their info graphic is helpful too. See below:
Categories: Save It For Your Family, Save Relationships, Save That Thought
Tags: activity level, age appropriate, being active, boundaries, brain, child, children, huffpost, kid, kids, physical activity, screen time, technologiy