Save The Stress & Laugh

May 4th

  

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“She Just Hit Him Over The Head With A Bible!!!!”

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Pregnancy

Pros:

Feeling the baby kick (There is life in you.)

Your hair grows like a speed demon (You could literally grow your hair like Crystal Gayle.)

That “glow” ( All I can say is MAC’s bronzer ain’t got nothin’ on that glow.)

Boobs

You get doted on ( if you drop something….someone will pick it up, doors are held open for you, people let you cut in line, AND seats are given up for you.)

Being a vessel for life (ONE of the most important jobs a woman can receive.)

Watching your belly grow (Too cool for school.)

Boobs

Fingernail growth (You can put fake nails to shame.)

Getting away with rockin’ your hubby’s t-shirts (Seriously one of my top fives. )

Food (Fulfilling a craving is FABULOUS.)

A new kind of sexy (Your body is changing and you might as well roll with it. Time to feel empowered.)

Sonogram appointments (That 20 week profile picture is the bomb!)

Boobs (sorry if I mentioned that already.)

Getting ready for baby (Tiny clothes, nursery colors, gadgets, and baby gizmos.)

Nesting  (You clean and organize like you received a degree in it.  And miss the power once it’s gone.  I have literally thought to myself “maybe I should get knocked up so I can re-organize my kitchen” #truestory )

Baby Shower (It’s an excuse to have a party with your friends!)

Sex Positions (Have fun with it. Laugh about the ones you can’t do any more and explore for new options. In the words of John Mayer “your body is a wonderland”.)

Gender reveal (wether it’s through a sonogram or delivery it’s an awesome moment.)

Picking out a name (Who cares what others think….it’s your baby, you name it.)

Pregnancy massages (I love the hole in the mat that I can put my belly in!! It gives me the opportunity to lay on my stomach without laying on my stomach.)

Cons:

Headaches, Nausea, Vomiting  (And thats only the beginning.)

Exhaustion  (Even though you are growing life like a superhero, you don’t have the stamina like one.)

Peeing  (It’s always happening.)

Weird hairs popping up in weird places (this seems to happen to me only when pregnant and I have no idea where they go once the baby comes out of my body.  I will say though, I am thankful they disappear.)

Gaining weight  (My pre-pregnancy weight is about a buck thirty so when I become pregnant it’s interesting how my muscles handle the weight gain. P.S. They don’t.  Which is why when I go to sit down on my knees, my calves actually feel like they are going to explode due to the pressure.)

Being out of breath  (going up stairs will make you feel like you have a serious breathing problem even if it is only eight stairs to climb.)

Peeing

Your growing belly (I seem to whack my belly with corners of walls and opening or shutting doors because my brain hasn’t quite gotten use to the tummy’s expansion.)

Your dying thirst for water (This thirst will hit you like you have been in a desert for 40 days straight.)

Sleeping at night  (You are constrained to only a few positions and you have to pee.)

Back pain  (Self explanatory.)

Sex Drive  (It’s either dead like your roses in the winter or revved up like a teenage boy’s dream.)

Losing sight of your daisy  (some words of wisdom: 1)Do not try to find it with a mirror and 2)Just know it will come back next spring.)

Peeing

Balance (since your front side is protruding out you have the capability of stumbling like a drunk; so walk with caution.)

Pregnancy Brain (Your IQ will literally drop about 25 points give or take.)

Body Temperature (Your an oven. Enough said.)

Boobs resting on the belly (Such a weird feeling and makes me realize how much my body is actually changing.)

Constipation  (Once again, self explanatory.)

Not being able to lay on your stomach  (This really sucks if you are a stomach sleeper like me.)

Peeing



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Why Car Rides Rock

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While The Hubby Is Sleeping

So…..I figured I’d draw myself an amazing soothing bath; like one to brag on. It’s just been a hell of a day and my body needed it. I put my regular concoction of sea salt, olive oil, and lavender oil in the hot water. Then, I get a genius idea to add a few drops of peppermint oil as well. I turn the tiny bottle of oil over and shake, but I see nothing coming out (at least I thought); so I shake several more times, but this time I watch the water to see if I can see the drops of oil hit the water. I see the oil and water collide and smell the amazing peppermint and my senses are alive and ready to get in the tub. I step in my incredible bathtub and begin to soak while I read. Within minutes I notice the water feels cool; which is odd because I take very hot baths. Then I feel my skin burning, no….freezing, no…..burning. At once I knew what was happening. I put in way too much peppermint oil. I stand up and feel as though I am trapped in an iceberg naked and freezing to death. I begin to panic; but then visualize a gull covered in crude oil and run naked, convulsing, and freezing into the kitchen to get the bottle of Dawn liquid soap. My thought process is….if it gets crude oil off a bird it will get peppermint oil off a human. I get to the kitchen sink and instead of Dawn I see a full bottle of Palmolive. I say a prayer that this stuff is as powerful as Dawn and run naked, convulsing, and freezing back to the bathroom. This time into the shower I go. I literally have the hot water on full blast to help with the hypothermia and shock I’m going into and begin scrubbing my skin with a loofa drowned in Palmolive. I begin scrubbing while laughing at this ridiculous situation I’m in. I ended up scrubbing my entire body five….yes five times with the Palmolive until I could feel relief. Thank God for the creators of that soap because I have no idea what else would of been in my house to help get the oil off! Next time, I will have indefinite confidence in myself that the two drops of peppermint oil came out of the bottle and deem it completely unnecessary to shake the bottle any extra times. The upside to my story is my body, bathroom, and my bedroom smell like a candy cane factory AND my skin has never been this squeaky clean. I can not wait until morning to tell my husband my adventure while he was sleeping.

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Baby Elephant Love

How can you NOT fall in love…..

 

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This Explains It Perfectly

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Nailed It!

Check out these Fourth of July Pinterest fails!! They will give you a good giggle!

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Caturday

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Caturday

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